When you are going on a journey, you do your best to pack the essentials only, except you are part of the Kardashian family, have a private jet or have a hoard of servants like the English royal family to heave the stuff around. But if you are like me – unknown to the world no matter how awesome you are- then you can probably make it to Lagos from Sokoto to spend two months with only one schoolbag.
You take only what you need because the stress of the journey and distance you hope to cover can only be covered when you have less baggage holding you down. Continue after the slice.
It’s practically the same in a relationship, any kind of relationship.
One of the fundamental things that can hold you down is guilt. For instance, in a family: the man is really hardworking and his job usually takes him away from his family, you may find that whenever he is home he tries his best to over-compensate (that is if he is a good guy because some guys do not even realize their family needs them). He may go all out to buy gifts and succumb to every whim of the children and that, my friends, is how spoilt kids come about in our societies.
Even mothers at times go down this lane. Supposing they are financially incapable of providing the little ones with certain things, they go the extra mile to baby them and shelter them but guess what! You cannot cuddle a child and expect the child to grow into a giant because a giant must have gone through some tough training to grow up to be that great.
Wives may also find themselves guilty of all sorts of stuff in their husband’s eyes (or vice versa).
Have you seen a relationship where the boyfriend is so nice to his girlfriend although she can be really mean to him? Sometimes, girls carry baggage from their past relationships (guys too). I mean baggage about how they were mistreated in the past and how they are now fragile so any little thing the current boyfriend does seems like he is attacking her like the old ones did. Now, because this guy really loves her, he does everything possible within his power to make her feel loved and cherished just to reassure her that he is nothing like her exes.
Mind you, it may not be spoken out loud but a glance or certain actions can make your partner feel like he or she is not doing something right so they work very hard to make up for it.
Let’s trek the religious lane a bit. This guilt thing can go as far as marring your relationship with God. You know that feeling where you just know you have messed up too much for God to have mercy or perhaps that feeling that you are certain means there’s no way all those bad things you have done before are forgiven even though you have repented?
Yes indeed. At one point or the other you have felt this way and have allowed guilt eat away the sweet parts of your relationships, leaving behind a hollow where joy and beautiful memories should be. Guilt always leaves in its wake a trail of havoc.
As in the example of the boyfriend (damage you did not cause but now you are saddled with the responsibility of cleaning up the mess). You should never have to clean up anyone’s mess, no matter how much you love that person. You can only help the person but you can never do it for the person because before you know it, you are sucked into that hole and you are both unhappy. But if it is something you did in the past then you must learn to let go else you will be forever stuck and ensure your loved ones feel appreciated, not guilty of whatever issues you are going through. So stop feeling bad and wishing for what might have been if only blah blah blah.
Guilt is nothing but a bully that keeps you stuck in that past while the present whooshes past you into a bleak, unbearable future. Saddle up for your journey with as little baggage as possible (preferably, none)!
Author: Angela Umoru.