…the trend setter.
15 TIPS TO KEEPING A LASTING RELATIONSHIP [Article]
15 tips to keeping a lasting relationship
By: Abba Adamu Wida
Humans have strong emotional desire to love and be loved. This desire is one that has motivated many to go into relationships with the opposite sex. It is not something to be ashamed of. Love was created by the supreme creator. So, it is normal to have the desire and have it met, when one is matured enough to start it.
However, many relationships today end even before they had barely started. Michael Rosenfeld a sociologist in Stanford University, United Kingdom began a research in 2009 and has been able to interview 3,000 people. He found out that 60% of the unmarried couples who had been together for less than two months during the first wave of his study were no longer together when he checked up again the following year.
Consequences of such breakups could be mild or grave. It can range from depression to on the extreme, suicide.
I must say that i am not a love guru, but, i opine that the 15 tips i will be exposing in the subsequent paragraphs can make your relationship happy and lasting. It is long but worth your time.
Many of us already have standards, and expectations with Olympian heights. Going into a relationship, we bump into reality and get hurt because our expectations are not met. That is why, the first tip from
15 tips to keeping a lasting relationship with your partner here says; expect less . This means accepting that you are dating a human not a god. Our views of life make us see things in certain ways and from those perceptions spring our expectations. For instance, some see love from the extreme lens. And with that view, they expect you to do wild and crazy things like going against laws and conventions to please them. For instance, some expect you to visit them at odd times even when your parents prohibit you from going out at that time. Some expect gifts, money, cloths, shoes, and other material things as proof for genuine love. These are not the only expectations but just examples to give insight on what i mean by expectations.
Excessive expectations have often led to wrong interpretations of actions and consequently breakup. To avoid this, expect less and appreciate the little you see. This does not mean being stupid. Some things take time to come and we are different both in perception and action. So, when you think he or she doesn’t love you because they do not meet your expectations, you just might be wrong.
A saying has it that assumption is the lowest level of knowledge and i dare to say that many negative assumptions have turned out to be wrong. So, when you eliminate assumptions especially negative ones, you are paving way for a lasting relationship. Many people split because the assumptions turn out to be wrong and mere allegations. So, the second point from 15 tips to keeping a lasting relationship is getting authentic information or knowledge not assumptions so as to take right actions. Do not assume.
The third point is closely related to the one in the preceding paragraph. Assumptions lead to denial of fair hearing. So, we sit on our belief drawing our certainties from analysis of things once done in the past. For instance, “if he/she did this in the past, they could do it in the future, it’s in them. They did it.” You get so sure and would not give room for explanation. You caught them red handed or on the spot in the acts and would need no explanation. Sometimes, there is more to what you can see or hear. Hear them even if you want to go. You might get surprising revelations. The point is, give chance for explanation no matter how evident an act is.
Another tip to take note of is that not every friend around wants your relationship to succeed. Some would be happy if it hits the rock. Therefore, to have a successful relationship, you must be very careful with the kind of information you share with those you call your friends. Some would give you advice that would make the relationship difficult to cope with for your partner and subsequently lead to a breakup. Hard to get do not always give you value. In relationships, it sometimes makes you unpleasantly expensive. I am not saying friends are not helpful, but know who you call friends and sieve what they tell you and use ones that can help your situation. Be careful with some friends.
Furthermore, it is not to say you have forgiven without even letting your partner know of the offence, and then someday, you recount how they’ve done that before. To have a successful relationship, you should communicate even the little of grievances if you can’t forget them. Let them know of their offences in love, and then forgive when they ask.
Many of us get carried away by transient behaviours. Relationship pundits have said that romance fade away when reality sets in. So, in your relationships, work towards the reality of marriage not the illusion of romance. Sweet words would become sour, bodily attractions would fade and sexual desires would be met with over dose of the action so that they no longer become our cravings. Living with that reality would help you prepare and also reduce the chances of breaking up.
The wonders that giving and practical care for your partner can work, is great. Not just asking if they have eaten but getting them something nice to eat if it’s in your power to do so. To strengthen your relationship, why don’t you try buying a gift for your partner? Some men and women do not bother about the price of the gift but the intention; they do not bother about how spicy the food is but the care that birthed it.
Closely related to the above is surprise. Pleasant surprises always touch our hearts. Buy gifts, take them out, do things that would surprise them if it is within your power to do so. As a lady, do what is perceived as men’s role. As a guy, cook for the lady and do things beyond the scope of her imaginations.
Value increases bond in a relationship. No one loves anyone for no reason, do not be deceived. It’s just that some of the reasons like intelligence, smartness, etc. are immaterial. Always strive to increase your worth. Learn a thread, read books, improve your written and spoken language, dress well, work on your manners, command respect. It would make your partner proud of you and afraid of losing that person you are.
Sometimes we do very annoying things knowingly or innocently. So, you must learn to accommodate or overlook certain behaviours. We all have to tolerate one another at some point in time. So, learn tolerance.
When you learn tolerance, you can surprise your partner by not responding with an anticipated reaction to a particular wrong. This would increase the respect they have for you and love you more. Once, a lady after telling me something she considered deserving of scolding had a shocking response when i reacted calmly, noting that it happens and could happen to anyone. Empathy is indispensable in a relationship that should last long and well.
Some people spit fire while they speak. That makes their partners feel uncomfortable to discuss certain issues. Learn to speak words that heal. Make your partners consider you a first choice when they are in need of someone to talk to about something that troubles them. Take note that they could ask questions you may consider stupid and learn not to respond aggressively so as not to instill fear or draw provocative responses.
This point is closely related to the one above. To have a fruitful relationship, learn manners that give a peaceful atmosphere. Learn to ask with please and respond with sorry when you err. Pride gives you an obnoxious manner; learn to be humble in relating with your partner.
The last points but not the least from the 15 tips to keeping a lasting relationship with your partner are suspense and variety. Suspense here means keeping harmless secrets, while variety is doing same thing differently or bringing new and interesting things. In your relationship, these are important so as to help your partner always long to live with you thereby creating bond. Other things to consider include forgiveness, understanding, empathy and many more.
I will like to conclude by saying that the points I’ve explained are not sacrosanct. However, i belief that if diligently applied, they can help one have a relationship that would stand the taste of time.